Fall season is my first love, but so bittersweet. The cycles and break-ups have been uncanny and rough to bare. The relationship has good moments, but could never stabilize into eternity. Somehow, fall season always dominate my brain behavior. The presence of fall season is so overwhelming.
I was so hopeful that each time we connected it was going to be better; only to be bitter. I used to enjoy fall season; I anticipated the transition of colors in the earth, but I believe the constant of change and disruptive flow in my life created hurt. I hate to see the fall season coming. I’m just too old to endure. It’s like having a newborn baby at the age of 65; it’s not for me no matter the beauty.
I’ve tried ignoring fall season, praying for a shorter season. I live in fear of the same ole’ same ole’: not enough money, short on opportunity, and life uncertainty. Fall season brings changes in relationships, priorities, and a calming that almost creates a depressive pace. Somehow, I’ve got to follow the theme of my life right now and “pick this up too.” I used to love the fall season, but we’ve had a fall out and I need to reconcile that relationship. We are not on the same page, we don’t have the same energy and we don’t have the same flow and frequency. Fall and I are in conflict and miscommunication. Fall doesn’t listen to me and that bothers me. Can you at least understand my concerns? Why do you own the pace? Why do you dominate the day? Fall and I have fall’n out. I’m not the one that keeps going back, fall keeps showing up-year after year after year. This relationship is just too bitter to bare. I can’t live without you, I can’t live with you. I have to realize that perhaps what I want long-term was only designed for temporary. I can’t allow the seasonal to be eternal.
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I was sitting in my office staring in the window and watching the leaves fall. I was mesmerized by the leaves falling and literally researched why leaves fall off of trees! I discovered that shedding leaves helps a tree conserve energy and water. As the weather changes, hormones in the tree trigger the process of abscission whereby the leaves are actively cut-off by specialized cells.
There is actually a seasonal process for shedding leaves. Imagine the damage if the leaves remained year round; the tree would lose energy and have no water supply because the leaves would extract the resources and the tree would not survive. I would also imagine that the tree would have a rest period before the new season of growth and the weight and responsibility of the new bloom. The roots and core of the tree had to be released from the past season.
I believe that life has a similar process . . . seasonal shedding of the leaves of life. It is necessary that some things and people in our lives fall off so you can survive and have enough nutrients for the upcoming winter. Otherwise, you may die of lack and over exertion in supporting their needs, and the weight and heaviness upon your branches. The abscission process is not just scientific, but very spiritual. The most fascinating aspect is the tree actually triggers the process – almost as though your life knows the season.
The process of old things falling away is natural. If only we can learn to live within the natural movement instead of fertilizing dead weights. Sometimes, we stress our branches and irritate our roots holding on to an inevitable loss. It is natural to release because the season of reward shall return.