Fall season is my first love, but so bittersweet. The cycles and break-ups have been uncanny and rough to bare. The relationship has good moments, but could never stabilize into eternity. Somehow, fall season always dominate my brain behavior. The presence of fall season is so overwhelming.
I was so hopeful that each time we connected it was going to be better; only to be bitter. I used to enjoy fall season; I anticipated the transition of colors in the earth, but I believe the constant of change and disruptive flow in my life created hurt. I hate to see the fall season coming. I’m just too old to endure. It’s like having a newborn baby at the age of 65; it’s not for me no matter the beauty.
I’ve tried ignoring fall season, praying for a shorter season. I live in fear of the same ole’ same ole’: not enough money, short on opportunity, and life uncertainty. Fall season brings changes in relationships, priorities, and a calming that almost creates a depressive pace. Somehow, I’ve got to follow the theme of my life right now and “pick this up too.” I used to love the fall season, but we’ve had a fall out and I need to reconcile that relationship. We are not on the same page, we don’t have the same energy and we don’t have the same flow and frequency. Fall and I are in conflict and miscommunication. Fall doesn’t listen to me and that bothers me. Can you at least understand my concerns? Why do you own the pace? Why do you dominate the day? Fall and I have fall’n out. I’m not the one that keeps going back, fall keeps showing up-year after year after year. This relationship is just too bitter to bare. I can’t live without you, I can’t live with you. I have to realize that perhaps what I want long-term was only designed for temporary. I can’t allow the seasonal to be eternal.
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Not “Just Yet”
This is an old phrase from back in the day that seasoned elders would use in response to rookies that were in a hurry. I was reflecting on my son’s driving experience and thought it was the perfect example of “not just yet.” He attended driving school and passed his road test the first time. I believe this was a great confidence booster for him. He does very well in driving the truck but sometimes, he would have an opportunity to sport our car– huge difference from a 10 year-old truck. We were hesitant, but thought why not because he seemed to be doing well.
One day, our son came home and looked at us and we knew that look and immediately inquired: “What happened?” He had doom on his face and stated he scratched the front of my car. My eyes widened and I thought they popped out; custom paint gone along with recent detailing. Mistakes happen, right? A few weeks later he drove his dad’s car to church and we saw the same look and the same question was posed: “What happened?” He scratched the side of his dad’s car exiting the garage. Smart kid to confess at church; location is important. Interestingly, he has never scratched that 10 year-old truck and very careful in his driving technique. My husband and I finally looked at one another and said: “Not just yet.” The rookie convinced us he was ready and now we had to bear the cost of repair.
There is some wisdom about life in this driving process. Although our son attended driving school, and mastered the road test, the journey of skill is needed. He had experience in handling a specific vehicle and level of responsibility. Handling a high-end luxury vehicle requires different steering and braking techniques. There are more internal controls to manage to maximize vehicle road performance. The turning radius is different and the dynamics of motion are extreme. The same handling is not applicable in all vehicles and although one may have knowledge, experience takes time.
He has the license, but he needs to become seasoned in his skills. After awhile, the cost of gaining access too soon will drive you into a life of discontentment. You will be paying for tickets, citations, towing, repairs and accidents that you may not be able to afford. In some instances, individuals have accumulated so many strikes against the license, they have to take a class to regain road credibility; that’s if you swallow your pride. The hardest for some is to realize “Not just yet” applies to them.