autumn-trees-nature-red-fogFall season is my first love, but so bittersweet. The cycles and break-ups have been uncanny and rough to bare. The relationship has good moments, but could never stabilize into eternity. Somehow, fall season always dominate my  brain behavior. The presence of fall season is so overwhelming.

I was so hopeful that each time we connected it was going to be better; only to be bitter.  I used to enjoy fall season; I anticipated the transition of colors in the earth, but I believe the constant of change and disruptive flow in my life created hurt. I hate to see the fall season coming. I’m just too old to endure. It’s like having a newborn baby at the age of 65; it’s not for me no matter the beauty.

I’ve tried ignoring fall season, praying for a shorter season. I live in fear of the same ole’ same ole’: not enough money, short on opportunity, and life uncertainty.  Fall season brings changes in relationships, priorities, and a calming that almost creates a depressive pace. Somehow, I’ve got to follow the theme of my life right now and “pick this up too.” I used to love the fall season, but we’ve had a fall out and I need to reconcile  that relationship. We are not on the same page, we don’t have the same energy and we don’t have the same flow and frequency. Fall and I are in conflict and miscommunication. Fall doesn’t listen to me and that bothers me. Can you at least understand my concerns? Why do you own the pace? Why do you dominate the day? Fall and I have fall’n out. I’m not the one that keeps going back, fall keeps showing up-year after year after year. This relationship is just too bitter to bare. I can’t live without you, I can’t live with you. I have to realize that perhaps what I want long-term was only designed for temporary. I can’t allow the seasonal to be eternal.

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